Many of you may be questioning our sanity, coming to be missionaries with three kids under the age of three and now twins on the way in January! There are times that I question our sanity too! Here are a few of my personal thoughts about being a mommy of so many so young and how God has helped me understand His plan for our family:
I have been feeling the desire to write a post about our family, specifically from the point of view of a faithful Mommy. I don’t want to claim that I have faith bigger than anyone else but, perhaps this post will encourage you to grow in faith and give your life more fully to Jesus. Personally, I have always been much more of an earner than a receiver so I want to share a bit of the journey from one to the other. Many years ago, I was a young woman in the Army and lived alone with three cats (insert crazy cat lady joke here). I felt, at the time, that my life was very full (and believe there are many who’s lives are full as single people). When I was a little girl I wanted to have tons of kids but, over years of hurt from others and many of my own mistakes I decided that being a mom just wasn’t for me. I did not think I would be a good mother anyway so after using many different forms of oral contraceptives I attempted a few longer term options. One was called Implanon (placed just under your skin) which is effective for 3 years at a time. I had an allergic reaction to it and had it removed. If I didn’t have the allergic reaction, it would have been effective until about a month after Emilia, my oldest daughter, was conceived. Quickly after having the Implanon removed, I began seriously looking into having my tubes “tied” (Tubal Ligation). This shows the level of fear I had concerning my ability to mother. Fortunately, God did not allow that to happen 7 years ago.
So, here I am, with three girls under three years old – I could not have earned my family if I tried! What a gift! God gave me back my desires of a very little girl and is creating this beautiful story. Having so many children so close together has not been an easy gift to receive at times. Jeremy and I have gone through some very difficult times in our marriage since we had less than a year married before welcoming our first child in 2011. We have had to learn all of those communication skills, healthy fighting skills, and grace for one another in the midst of our baby’s screams (usually all three at once). Every time I found out I was pregnant again just three months after giving birth, there was a moment for me of fear. How am I going to do this? Can I do this? Will my body hold up through another pregnancy? What if something happens to the baby? (a question all moms ask I think) Will I have enough love to give all of these kids at once? Please God, don’t let me screw this up! Every time God has given me grace to rejoice instead of live in that fear. My first pregnancy was very difficult and I was super fearful, the second a little less, and the third even less. Each time, I learned that I could not earn a healthy baby, but, just had to receive this amazing gift. Only God would grow the child inside of me, and comfort me in any outcome.
So, here I am now, pregnant again (after using condoms this time) with twins! Five babies in less than three years! Holy Moly!! Every time, before the first sonogram of the pregnancy, I have prayed and promised the Lord that I would praise Him even if there was no heartbeat or something wrong. This was the first time that selfishly, I had to promise the Lord I would praise Him even if there were three babies because I was afraid again that I wouldn’t be able to be the best Mommy of five under three years old. God honors our prayers. I have been praising Him like crazy since we found out we are having twins because I know my God! He gives me supernatural energy, supernatural love, and supernatural grace. This morning as I held my 2 1/2 year old Emilia, she was having the worst tantrum ever as a result of my bad mood, God gave me the words to speak to my little girl’s heart. I told her that Jesus loves her so much just the way she is because He created her. I told her that He died for her and loves her even when she is throwing a tantrum. God’s grace is sufficient in all situations.
As I worshipped this morning I thought about the words we sing to Him, “Lord, I give you my life” , “God use me”, “It is all for you Jesus”. I realized in my heart, that I am living out worship with my body throughout each pregnancy – God is using me to create human beings that will one day tell other people about His love. I give grace to my toddlers in order to win their souls for Jesus, grace to my husband so he can then love our children into God’s kingdom. You see, my children are sinners that do not know Jesus yet but, one day they will because God has placed me as their mom. One of our speakers this week called his mother a holy spirit-mom. He spoke of her praying over him at night while he slept that God would speak into his soul. I am that mom and hopefully so are you. We have the power of the Living God in us to change our children’s eternal destinies.
So, are we still going to the Philippines with twins in my belly? Yes! Why go and be a missionary with kids? God is so clear in His word about the power our families are for His Kingdom.
“Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.”
“But God will shoot them with his arrows; they will suddenly be struck down.”
The great thing about arrows is that they can go so much farther than we ever will. Our children can reach people we can’t reach and will go to the nations to share the Gospel!
If you want to support our family in going to the Philippines you have 5 days left! We need our funds, $6820 by June 11th and are appreciative of any donation big or small! You can click on our Financial Support tab or just click here. Option 2 and Option 5 allow you to give directly to University of the Nations in our name. If you do give a donation, please let us know in the form below so we can let our leaders know as soon as possible!