My journal entry : Monday February 16th 2015
Sunny – end of the blizzard that ended up being just a wind storm, 6 degrees
Just had the battle of a lifetime. First of all, I have been sick for a month. Sinus issues, ear issues, throat issues and finally, pink eye. Yesterday at church, God began a huge healing within the soul-fabric of our family. I was able to release Jeremy over to the Lord and trust in his leadership more. Jeremy prayed for the healing of my eye. [ I had reoccurring corneal abrasions for years that left me legally blind in my right eye. Every time I get an infection in that eye I am in danger of causing more permanent damage]. I knew the healing was done because scripture is clear that when Jesus was scourged our healing was purchased [Isaiah 53:5]. I believe that 100%. We continued on with our day, went to Portland to purchase Bibles for me, the girls, and a young man at church. While we were driving home the roads were icy and I started to give into fear and anxiety. Images of our van crashing and our children getting hurt. In one scene, a huge truck hit my side of the vane and right before it hit, I told Jeremy I loved him for the last time. Very dramatic. As we rode around in our freezing cold little van, I rebuked those images the best I knew how, whilst still jumping out of my skin with every big gust of wind. We mad it home safely – God’s hand on our little van as we ice-skated into our driveway. Jeremy and I worked the assembly line until everyone was changed and tucked into bed with their warmies. We were both totally beat (and I mean beat). Jeremy showered to warm himself up while I lay in bed watching Netflix. Other than the typical aches and pains at the end of a big day, I felt fine. No more eye pain, my throat didn’t hurt. Jeremy rubbed my beck for a bit before he passed out. I began to settle to sleep and suddenly started coughing as fluid drained down my throat and out of my eye. As I choked and gagged, I prayed, spoke out the truth that I am healed. With that, all pain left my body and everything dried up. Immediately, I was thanking Jesus in whispers – just as I turned to wake Jeremy and tell him about my healing; my throat was clenched, I was choking and gagging once again. Looking back, it was as if satan himself reached his wicked hand out of the depth of hell and gripped my throat. I informed Jeremy that I was going to sleep on the couch. When I got downstairs I was in tremendous pain all over my body, my throat and my eye in particular. I was so tired, tired of being tired – you get the picture. I have gone through the pain of child-birth (and carrying twins), getting tattoos, a few surgeries, and numerous corneal abrasions but, thankfully, never lost any limbs or been through chemo – I would say my pain tolerance is average. For some reason, the pain in my eye was enough to bring me to tears. I flew into a panic given my past history with eye problems. I tried to wake Jeremy up and he wouldn’t wake up. I checked, and checked, and re-checked the mirror in case there was something in my eye that I missed. I went to my knees weeping – asking Jesus what to do. Begging Him to please take this pain away. It felt like shards of glass under my eyelid. I was silent. “Go lay down and close your eyes.” As I went to lay down I felt my throat close up. I couldn’t call Jeremy to help me because I had no breath. I spoke from my heart – “I know that I am a child of God, an heir to His Kingdom. No one can hurt me.” I could breathe again. My eye pain went away and throat pain lessened. I quickly turned on my favorite worship album by Rachael Skrobot. I lay there completely drained from battle and whispered the words of worship. I asked God why? Why would I only have healing for a time? Why do I have to push so hard to be healed? Will it always be this way? He reminded me of a few things:
The Bleeding Woman – Mark 5:25-34 This woman wanted healing so she reached for Christ Himself – not for healing itself. She pressed in to reach Him.
The Man lowered through the roof – Luke 5:17-26
These folks and so many more needed to be in His presence to receive healing. If it was just enough to have faith from afar – there would be no need to lower someone through a roof. Faith is what carries us to Him. Delivers us into His presence. We have been sold a bill of goods! Say a prayer and you are in a relationship with Christ – No! That is like saying signing your marriage license means you have a good marriage! Faith should drive you to His presence, not waiting to *feel* His presence before we have faith.
John 17:1-5 says, “Jesus spoke these words, lifted up His eyes to heaven, and said: “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son also may glorify You, as You have given Him authority over all flesh, that He should give eternal life to as many as You have given Him. And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You have given Me to do. And now, O Father, glorify Me together with Yourself, with the glory which I had with You before the world was.”
Isaiah 53:11 says “He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied. By His knowledge my righteous Servant shall justify many.”
How many folks have prayed the sinners prayer, done their Hail Marys and Our Fathers in order to get a ticket out of Hell? Christ Himself said in the book of Saint John, eternal life is that we may know the Father and His Son Jesus. The word know here is ginosko meaning intimate knowledge like how we know our husband or wife. Jesus is saying THAT (knowing Him intimately) IS eternal life. Hmmm…. I thought eternal life was what happens after we die… this means eternal life is happening now if we know Him.
Matthew 22 The Parable of the Wedding Feast
And Jesus answered and spoke to them again by parables and said: “The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who arranged a marriage for his son, and sent out his servants to call those who were invited to the wedding; and they were not willing to come. Again, he sent out the other servants saying, ‘Tell those who are invited, “See, I have prepared my dinner; my oxen and fatted cattle are killed, and all things are ready. Come to the wedding.”‘ But they mad light of it and went their ways, one to his own farm, another to his business. And the rest seized his servants, treated them spitefully, and killed them. But when the king heard about it, he was furious. And he sent out his armies, destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city. Then he said to his servants, ‘The wedding is ready, but those who were invited were not worthy. Therefore go into the highways, and as many as you find, invite to the wedding.’ So those servants went out into the highways and gathered together all whom they round, both band and good. And the wedding hall was filled with guests. But when the king came in to see the guests, he saw a man there who did not have on a wedding garment. So he said to him, ‘Friend how did you come in here without a wedding garment?’ And he was speechless. Then the king said to the servants, ‘Bind him hand and foot, take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ For many are called, but few are chosen.”
It is through knowing God that we are given the wedding garments so we can feast with Him.
I guess the question is – do you know Him?